Have you ever sat down on a toilet to do your business only to realize that there is no toilet paper? A bit disgusting, I know. You just want to kick yourself for not checking first. Lack of preparedness really stinks. So before you even start the potty training process I want to make sure you do your prep work.
CHOOSE YOUR WORDS
The very first thing that parents need to do is to choose a specific word that they’ll use for meaning “urination” and “bowel movement”. Pick one word for each and use it consistently when talking to your child. While “pee” and “poo” are most commonly used, it’s really up to you. After choosing specific words, make sure to communicate these words to your child’s other care providers to avoid confusion. You don’t want your child’s teacher saying “potty” if you’ve been using the word “toilet” with your child. Chances are your child will say no when asked if he wants to use the “potty” and then have an accident shortly after. Not fun. So make sure to pick specific words, communicate it to everyone who needs to know and be consistent in using these words.
WHAT ARE THE PHYSICAL READINESS INDICATORS?
Bowel and bladder movements are the biggest physical readiness indicators. The goal here is to know when your child starts naturally holding pee inside his bladder for longer periods of time and when his bowel movements starts achieving regularity.
If your child can go 2-3 hours with a dry diaper, this is a very good physical readiness indicator. If he regularly has BMs at the same times of day, that’s also another great physical readiness indicator.
I’d like to discuss bowel movements first. Around 2 years old, most kids start becoming aware that they are eliminating. You’d notice that your child wanders out of sight to do his business. It’s quite funny to find your child behind the couch, straining with veins bulging from his forehead. Your child didn’t tell you that he’s going to have a bowel movement, but he certainly knows what he’s doing. He is starting to realize that he is in charge of his own poop.
Always remember the order of learning. Early on, a young child wouldn’t realize that he’s having a bowel movement or that he had one. But as he grows older, he’ll realize what’s happening within his body. He can smell it and notice the feeling of having poop in his diaper, but he still doesn’t realize that he’s eliminating at the moment.
If your child is already at this stage, help him out by observing the physical straining and educating him about it. “Suzy, you must be pushing out a poo into your diaper.” What you’re doing is that you’re accelerating the learning and nothing else. Avoid saying things like “I’m so proud of you.” When you do this, you are actually casting judgment on the child and putting pressure on her. All you have to do is to help her understand what she’s doing and that’s it.
Eventually, children will advance to the point where they understand that they need to go poo. They won’t necessarily communicate it with you. They’ll just become aware of the need, and as I mentioned, they may go find a spot behind the couch, in a closet, under a table, or whatever. It’s cute that kids do this, but more important, it is a sign that your child is self aware.
IMPORTANT POINT: Just because your child seems physically ready to potty train because he understands what he is doing with regards to BMs, it does not mean he is mentally ready. When a child hides in a closet to go poo, it tells us that he isn’t ready to share quite yet.
Rushing your child to potty training without preparing him is a mistake. It’s a priority to avoid doing anything that will cause your child to resist potty training. If you follow this advice, your child will never ever resist potty training.
Let me go back to the bladder. This one requires a bit more work. Unlike with pooping, you won’t see your child straining when urinating. Since it’s just liquid, pee comes out all by itself when the body unconsciously relaxes the bladder sphincter. You might see some signs on your child’s face as he pees, but it will never be very subtle compared to having a bowel movement.
Bladder training takes more work, and that’s because you need to calibrate changes in your child. You need to start noticing when he’s able to hold his pee in for longer and longer periods of time. When he can hold pee in for 2-3 hours at a time you’ll know his body has developed to the point where he’s physically ready to be bladder trained
MENTAL READINESS AND HELPING YOUR CHILD BECOME AWARE
A child will still follow the same physical development path as with other kids even when nobody ever talks to him about potty training. Mentally, he will still learn when he’s about to have a bladder or a bowel movement. However, it will take longer, and even longer still for this un-coached child to anticipate bowel and bladder movements.
When I talk about awareness, I’m talking about training a child to become aware of elimination as it happens, and eventually before it happens. Awareness will come before mental readiness. My definition of mental readiness is when a child takes an interest in the next step on the path to being potty trained. If a child understands that he is urinating in his diaper but shows no interest in sitting on a potty to pee, then he isn’t mentally ready.
Since you won’t be able to actually “catch” your child urinating, you need to watch out for signs and then ask a simple question after. When you see that glazed look in his eyes, for instance, I want you to ask questions such as “Are you having a pee right now?”
When you’re asking questions and making observations, you are helping your child to become aware. But, your objective is actually to have your child become comfortable with bowel movement and urination. When your child has no negative associations such as worries and fears, he’ll become potty trained faster. This is why I’m telling you to use simple “matter of fact” statements like “You’re doing a pee.”
There is something I would like to share to you. This is something that I realized while reading tons of emails from parents who bought my training program called Talking to Toddlers: Dealing with Terrible Twos and Beyond. Parents just don’t ask their kid enough questions. Your 2-year old child may not be the most talkative child in the planet, but I’m sure he can handle most yes/ no questions. A 3-year old child can surely handle much more.
So, parents need to get in the habit of asking questions.
“Is your diaper still dry right now?”
“Are having a pee right now?”
“Do you need to pee right now?”
“Would you like to sit on the potty now, or just use your diaper?”
You can also test your child’s ability to understand routines. For instance, if you ask your child to go and get a clean diaper for you, will he run off and grab one? If yes, your child may be prepared for potty training more than you think. So, get in the habit of asking your child questions and giving simple requests to test how much your child can do by himself.
WHEN IS PRE- POTTY TRAINING DONE?
Pre-potty training is over when your child shows interest, or desire, and shows progress towards conscious competence. He will know when he is peeing if you bring his attention to it while it is happening. And if you ask him in advance, “Do you need to pee right now?”, you might get him to consciously recognize that he does, in fact, have to go.
If your child won’t willingly sit on the potty, then he’s not ready to be trained yet. It really is that simple. He has to sit down on the potty under his own control. If he’s not making his own decision about it then you’re almost certainly going to establish negative associations to the whole concept of potty training. This means negative associations to you as a coach, to the potty as an object, and to the act of going potty as a process.
For more information on best age to potty train,visit other recommended resources such as Transitioning to Self Guided Potty Use.
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